A Metalhead’s Metal Spread
Introducing you to the one genre of music you’ve never thought about but will ultimately become obsessed with: Metal.
artwork by Eliana Schiller
Metal Starter Pack: Black Sabbath, Metallica, Sleep Token, Iron Maiden, Halestorm
You’re a little curious about why two strangers are so adamant about music that your parents warned you make kids into delinquents, so you decide to check it out. Well, welcome to the club. There’s no turning back. As your first official introduction, the most famous of the famous: the normie bands. Of course, they’re still very metal, just the metal that you’ve probably heard of before and the minimal amount of scary that an introduction can have. Whether you’ve watched a TikTok thirst trap with Metallica’s “Master of Puppets” or a terrible karaoke rendition of “I Miss the Misery” by Halestorm, you’ve probably already enjoyed what these artists have created. Why not enjoy a little more?
The Peak of Metal (According to Your Dad): AC/DC, Judas Priest, Dio, Ozzy Osbourne, Deep Purple
Is AC/DC even metal? Probably not, but who cares? Not your dad, who swears that metal peaked about half a century ago with the likes of Dio, Deep Purple, Judas Priest, and post-Sabbath Ozzy. These are the kinds of bands you queue up on a warm summer night with your hometown pals, when you just want heavy riffs to go alongside your lukewarm domestic beer. And maybe your dad was onto something, because it absolutely rocks, every time.
The Metal that Makes Moms Scared for You: Dying Fetus, Obituary, Slayer, Death, Carcass
Let’s set the scene: Your mom opens up your bedroom door, ready to ask about dinner plans, and is instead hit by the most putrid gutturals ever uttered coming straight from your speaker. Your mom will ask “How could anyone listen to this?”, but then for shock value, you give her names you know will make her shudder in disgust. Dying Fetus, Carcass, Obituary, and more. She wonders where she went wrong. You wonder where you went right, and turn the music up right in time for another breakdown.
The “How is Nu-Metal not dead yet?”: Korn, Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, Slipknot, Deftones
If you told me that in 2025 I would be seeing Limp Bizkit sell out shows, Korn headlining Lollapalooza, Deftones doing a stadium tour, and Linkin Park reuniting, I would tell you to stop daydreaming and press “A” on your Xbox 360 controller so we could continue our Halo Reach co-op playthrough. Seriously, what a new lease on life Nu-metal has. There’s something so infectious about its mix of rap and metal, something that clearly gets the crowd going, all the way from Gen X to Gen Z.
Cutesy Little Metal-Adjacent Bands for the Pop Girlies (Hair Metal): Van Halen, Guns n’ Roses, Motley Crue, Twisted Sister, Def Leppard
As a certified pop-girlie, I feel particularly inclined to note that these bands emulate the famous Swiftie “feminine rage” feelings, just with a different genre. At the same time you can bop your head, hence the designation of “hair metal” and plan someone’s murder (allegedly). These bands have more of a beat for singers than other types of metal and are easily accessible for those who just want to broaden their Spotify playlists beyond Sabrina Carpenter and Gracie Abrams. Oh, and your parents most definitely recognize some of the top hits, so if you want to convince them you’re really going through it, this is the way to go.
Metal For Lifting Heavy Circles: Rage Against the Machine, Cemetery, Arch Enemy, Pantera, Lamb of God
Let’s face it, as fun as EDM sounds for a good PR, it does absolutely nothing to hype you up. You’re stuck waiting for a beat drop and thinking about whether or not you can actually lift all the weight you just put onto the bar. To achieve peak Zyzz style roid rage, you need someone screaming obscenities at you with a killer beat. It starts fast and strong, and ends with you being stronger. And to make it even better, sync up certain songs with that PPL you promised yourself you would start so you stop skipping legs.
To Prove You’re Not Lying on Hinge: Skid Row, RATT, Mudvayne, Of Mice and Men, Anthrax
Maybe you’re not that into metal, but you really want to impress that guy or girl you just met. Of course, you could talk about someone like Metallica or Deftones, but everybody knows those guys. Show off your knowledge of glam metal and talk about Skid Row and RATT. The big four of thrash is quite well-known, but almost no one will say Anthrax is their favorite. Tell them that Mudvayne bassist Ryan Martinie is one of the best to ever do it. If there’s anything that will get a conversation going, it’s a hot take. So, pick one of these bands and ruffle some feathers.
Grimy, Slimy, Icky Metal for Lizards and Rodents: Acid Bath, Eyehategod, Melvins, Grief, Noothgrush
Sludge metal soundtracks foraging a summer garbage heap for scraps of uneaten food. It is meaty, bloody music, somewhere between the aggression of hardcore punk and the plodding heft of doom metal. Most bands in the genre sport lyrics littered with abstract skeletons and emptied needles, if you bother to parse the dirges beneath the deep-fried growls. Each band listed is a sonic heat wave. Try trudging through the honey bucket in a moment of rage or confusion. Despite the dirt, sludge is among the most cleansing sounds metal has to offer.
To Feel Mortality and the Frigid Underbelly of Fear: Bathory, Paysage d’Hiver, Immortal, Darkthrone, Gris, Agalloch, Weakling
Black metal is terrifying. The oft-sensationalized genre is best known for its host of lunatic musicians—murderers, arsonists, cult leaders, fascists, and the like—but its horror and beauty span beyond the cursory intrigue of occult Pagan radicalism. Nothing evokes isolation quite like the raw, dense shrieks and blast beats of Paysage d’Hiver, and nothing evokes desolation and sheer power quite like Weakling’s riffs. Low-fidelity defines the genre; it undoes itself in its creation. Black metal is the sound of human civilization and psyche pushed to its crushing limits. It is often truly tortured music, and thus not for the faint of heart, but if you’re up for the challenge (especially on a late winter night), it can be a spiritual awakening.
It Would’ve Been A Tragedy To Not Include Them Somewhere: Gatecreeper, Funeral Diner, Death, Falling In Reverse, Ezedial
You could argue that we just wanted an extra category for metal that we have a soft spot for. And you’re goddamn right; one listen and you’ll understand why. This is a section for those of you who were influenced by any other part of the article and want to go a little further. And as you should. Death is a foundational and crucial band within the genre, and Gatecreeper is carrying the torch of Death Metal into the next generation. That is perhaps the best part of this genre: the rabbit hole truly never ends. Now, it's your turn to go down it!
If We Could Hack Your Spotify: some of our favorites are already listed, but here’s a few of our top picks outside of them.
Melody: Okilly Dokilly, Aramenthe, Nails, Quiet Riot, Dead By April
Jackson: Power Trip, Rammstein, Megadeth, Cattle Decapitation, Sepultura
Levi: Boris, Full of Hell, Chat Pile, Earth, Sadness
Melody’s Picks: In my amateur opinion, these are some of the best metal bands to exist (also noting that some of our overall favorites are in lists above). Okilly Dokilly is one of the funniest concepts of a band to ever exist, especially if you’re a Simpsons fan. It’s a Ned Flanders-inspired band. Yep, not kidding. Its members all dress like the iconic character and then violate all his ideals. It’s hilarious and different from anything else I’ve ever heard. And if the Simpsons writers are reading this, they should have Okilly Dokilly guest-star on an episode and chase Ned around. Aramenthe, Nails, Quiet Riot, and Dead By April all encompass a similar vibe, and if you liked our Hair Metal list, you’ll LOVE these. I highly recommend pretending like you’re in a training montage with these songs as the background music while doing your 12-3-30 or screaming to a playlist of these artists in the car when you’re stuck in morning traffic and about to miss your window to get your daily Dunkin’ sweet cream cold brew. You’ll find a mastery of emotional description and relatability of the lyrics. Give them a listen!
Jackson’s Picks: Some of my personal favorites simply didn’t make it in any previous categories because they didn’t fit the criteria, but make no mistake—these are some of the greatest metal bands of all time. You don’t need to understand German to bang your head to Rammstein. The Megadeth vs. Metallica debate may never end, but all headbangers can agree that Dave Mustaine and co. have made some of the greatest thrash albums. Sepultura can stake their claim as an indispensable groove metal titan, and Cattle Decapitation is a great place to start looking deeper into grindcore. Thrash Metal is where I got my start in the genre, as I was mesmerized by the speed, intensity, riffs, and community. Power Trip is the embodiment of everything that is Thrash, and one of my favorite bands. Riley Gale forever.
Levi’s Picks: Boris’ Feedbacker is one of the best albums ever made. Please listen to it. I have nothing more to say.
If you disagree with our picks, make your own damn list. Then send it to us, cause we probably wanna hear it.
edited by River Wang
artwork by Eliana Schiller